My Testimony ( full version)

My Baptism, around 21 minutes. 

   Step back for a moment and look back 20 years.  I had envisioned myself having a career as an artist. Age 8 , it seemed silly to plan my adult life.  I had gone to Sunday school for years. During this time my faith life felt so generic. It was learning kid friendly Bible stories and acting as an angel in all those pageants. Being a kid I tried to learn what made Godly people different. God was absent as my role model for this growing up stuff.  My shyness and anxiety separated a great relationship with God. Anxiety that grew stronger when fifth grade year started.  I turned 11 and life took adjustng to. I was a year older than most of my peers. On the outside I could pass for younger. I was a girl who loved hearing Jesus’ good lessons, but turned my eyes to combat life by bragging. I was mad at religion for many years to come. 

      It was my thought that made me mad . I cried trying to understand all the surrounding losses. Anxiety got a little stronger every year. Up until I joined a youth group when I was 16.  However, being Jesus’ disciple was tricky. It seemed like enough to go to church or do a couple of service projects. It didn’t feel like I was living up to my full potential and this life was overwhelming. I didn’t care to allow God in.  Keep in mind during the next 4 1/2 years I wanted to escape all responsibilities. Escape my brain keeping me up at night, constant sickness and creating stress. 

           Quitting was on my mind every single day. Anxiety robbed me of the happiness to enjoy life. College graduation meant knowing who I was as a person.  And having my life seem perfect. At the age of 23 I had to change what an artist did. I was a person missing yes moments life offers. Looking  to age 25. 

          25, life should have had abundance of meaningful moments. A feeling shown on my face, tears waiting for hope. Hope that faith could  bring me those moments.  It was one afternoon where pacing took place. It was a struggle to grab my keys but it was worth it.  Turning on the radio gave a moment to breathe;  with an intentional purpose. A favorite lyric came on “what a wonderful name it is " and tears came. Tears that held so much  meaning. It was the start of a great new wave.  Halfway through something came over me. My brain was asleep to the world. Thinking became a chore. Add it to an endless to do list. But each heartbeat felt so strong. Maybe earthquake  strong during that moment. I calculated each turn, hoping they would end at comfort zones. 

          One foot on pavement was amazing. Each beat grounded on Earth . Off the spaceship and into life. A fresh start began in a place so unfamiliar. It was a few minutes after 7PM where I calmed down enough. The first introductions led me to find amazing people. I realized beginning again was better done with friends. The speaker that night was talking, how faith changed them. A new emotion came over me that night. I was ready to conquer my anxious thoughts. On this day a smile was across my face. The case, every time I attended the Twelve 2. I felt like I belonged to a new group. It is different each time, life takes patience. The ability no matter what age to welcome Gods fullness. A void filled with countless reruns of shows. Watching them waiting for God to speak. This was the start of something great. 

          I rediscovered how words that I spoke reached God. At first, it felt weird to talk to the air. What was to come would expand into a wonderful life. God’s every sentence has a meaning beyond. Baby steps were all I knew how to do. The ups and downs that life gave pushed me toward God. I was at another 12:2 and I heard a spoken word piece.  God spoke to me after this. He said, “Find that joy again. Trust in me and spread good in whatever you do.” It took time to absorb how to do so. Life was looking up or at least allowing God to reach me through words. Inching along to connect the missing pieces. 

          In January of this year the pieces started to fall into place. The other piece was love. Love takes many forms. It was toward the beginning of the month an awesome friend asked me to go to church. Telling a long- awaited answer as it took me a few months to build up my courage to say ’yes’.  My legs got shaky. The next day picked up my pen and wrote. I illustrated my journey. This poem allowed God in spaces reserved . That first poem dubbed  “my yellow brick road” and I decided to see the light in cloudy days. 

          My bible was open that Sunday. The first thing was a sense of relief.  A heart full of emotions came to the surface. However, it was different this time. Dealing with it felt effortless. Taking my notebook and starting with a verse psalm 86:5.  I wrote a poem and it was one of the first times I said love Jesus. I found myself farther along on this journey.  Jesus knew that joy came that afternoon. I was seeing God in a whole new way, for all the good qualities. I took life day by day. Emotions were better dealt with Jesus’ love that I have. Finding prayer through writing poetry became the connection. I learned to use my talent to grow in faith. It was all in Gods timing. 

         I started going to church every Sunday. Jesus is breathing a life free from anxious thoughts. Allowing me to say yes to all that life offers and share His word. What I know is that I am an artist with words to speak. Today, I’ve chosen baptism because God has made my life so much richer. I want to declare that I am living with the joy He has shown me.